Have you ever felt like you clean up your schedule, make time for yourself, leave room to rest, and before you even notice you are drowning with responsibilities and things to do? It feels inevitable, like we are doomed to repeat that cycle of finding balance just to go back to hustling and then start again. To be honest, maybe we are bound to it, but why is it? Do we like the hustle and its benefits? Or are we just used to it? Are we forcing ourselves to have more time off, or do we need to do so?
We fall back into old habits, whether they are functional or not. We create spaces that suddenly seem to be full again and we wonder how did that happen. Sometimes, it reminds me of the feeling of washing all the dishes just to find them piled up again a couple of days later, and that confusing sensation of when did this happen, how is this full again if I feel like I just washed them all? It seems like a mystery to me. But in reality, is a matter of habits. If you are not used to washing the dishes right after cooking or eating, they are going to pile up eventually. The same happens if you don’t make the habit of reviewing your priorities, more so, if you were born and raised in a hustling culture.
Everybody wants to have peace of mind and create balance. Hustling might have economic benefits, but sometimes they are not proportionate to the amount of effort and energy they are taking from us. Those extra hours, the work you take home, and the work project you check on the weekends might be a lot. Having your life and work unbalanced can make it challenging not to burn out. We know how demanding it is to try and do it all, but you don’t have to. Finding and re-finding balance is a cycle that we know is a critical part of our life and requires that we go through that same cycle as often as we see fit. And just like the water cycle, there are some steps to follow before it rains…
Stop
There is no time to find balance when you are on a rapid everyday routine. While working long hours and having too much on your plate, there is no chance to reflect. Therefore, there is no place for decision-making and modifying behaviors. Then again, it might not be easy, but it most certainly is the first step towards creating a change and living a more balanced life. The one you want to have and will allow you to keep on working in a long-lasting feasible manner.
Sometimes, people need an external force to help them stop. Just like Newton’s first law of inertia, a little help is required to change the state. To some people, that realization that leads to pausing to reflect could be the birth of a child or seeing how fast they grow while you work extra hours at the office. To others, it could be a demand of their body, like getting sick or somatizing the stress and no rest regime you are in. It is very common to need a reminder to make the space to be able to slow down so you can evaluate your situation, but it is not mandatory. If you have a slight discomfort with how you are living and working, don’t be afraid to pause to give it a look.
But once you pull the break and pause, what are you supposed to do? Should you think about your present? Are you supposed to reflect on how many rest hours can you squeeze in during the weekends? Because let’s be honest, it is not uniquely about awareness of the need to create some balance. Coming from a very agitated schedule, in a demanding job position, where every day there seems to be a fire to put out, working extra hours looks like a logical and vital decision to make. So, when you stop, the first thing to be done is to separate yourself from your situation.
It could work doing some sort of thought experiment where you look at your circumstances as if they were from a dear friend. If someone you cared a lot about told you that they work the way you do it would you find it normal or healthy? Taking a pause is the best opportunity to zoom back and allow yourself to see things without the veil of “that’s what I am used to doing, that’s what needs to be done” that we often get when the problem concerns us. Let yourself disagree with what they think they have to do, and connect with what you feel is more sustainable.
Check
You might be aware that you are overworking, but have you explored how you feel about it? Once upon a time, a dear friend shared his experience with me saying that when he was younger and full of energy, people used to tell him that he should slow down because he was active all day and had not much time to lay back and chill. But he was happy with that, he was working on personal and work projects that fuel him with more energy and satisfaction. He was okay with that busy lifestyle, sure he rested enough and never got sick for it. But that fast pace suited him until it didn’t anymore, and just then, he moved to change it.
Looking within and sorting out how you are feeling is not often an easy thing to do. Maybe there is frustration, tiredness, or even a sensation of missing out on important things in life. Getting to be aware of how a situation makes you feel can be the key to starting to plan the solution out. Work might be stressful some days, but overall, you should get positive things out of it. A sense of professional fulfillment, satisfaction, and development. If not, then changes need to be made. Walking for too long over a path that feels unbalanced can lead to feeling bitter or resentful with your work, which is supposed to make you feel some joy. At the end of the day, you invest a lot of time and energy in it, so it should bring some happiness and comfort.
Reprioritize
Let’s put things into perspective. Now that you have considered your thoughts and feelings around the matter, it is time to evaluate what matters most. Whether you feel like you need immediate change, or that it can wait for a little, you need to weigh the gains and losses that are implied in every decision. For example, Frank was a manager that worked way too much, he had a daughter and she learned to walk and said her first words without him witnessing it. As his daughter started accomplishing these steps in her growth, he asked himself, Am I willing to sacrifice watching her grow? Is it truly necessary to work that many hours a day? How can I fix that?
And those are the questions everyone needs to be asking. It doesn’t matter if you are not a parent, or if you don’t have an active reminder of how short our lives are, like having a family member at the hospital. What causes you some trouble or discomfort needs to be reviewed. Do you need to do it? Are you willing to carry with its consequences? Could you handle the discomfort for much longer? Restlessness has many costs to your general health. A burned-out mind is not as creative, a restless body is not as effective, and a tired worker is not as efficient. Reprioritizing also means simplifying to work smarter rather than harder. Creating the space to recharge will improve your resilience and overall performance. It is not only for you that you need to have balance, your company will be grateful for its results too.
Evaluate your options
Sure, now you know what you want. But outside that idyllic image of a world full of balance, have you wondered what are your current options? Maybe you need the money that comes from those extra hours, and that is okay. Reviewing your options within your realm of possibilities is critical to creating a feasible plan of action. Every reality is unique, and so is everyone’s range of possibilities. Trying to follow a formula to find balance, or to make your life look like the one on the societal picture of what balance looks like is a futile decision. Trying to make your life fit the mold won’t create the same outcome as the picture. You are very much alive, you have your strengths and weaknesses, your wants and needs. Therefore, you need to take those into the equation when evaluating what is best for you.
Sometimes, the best option for you could be to change jobs to another position that requires less of your time. Maybe you can switch from the office to working from home. Or perhaps you could start setting some boundaries and not staying late or answering work emails outside your work schedule. Depending on how was your way of working, how many hours and so on is the solution you might need. Only you can know what the right fit is. Think about what are the costs and benefits of each scenario. Like how much time with my family will I gain by working from home? Or maybe, how can changing jobs affect my finances? Can I make some personal adjustments to recharge more often? Is my solution sustainable over time? It doesn’t have to be a fixed solution, whatever you find useful might take a little time to stick.
Act on change
Once we have done all the processes and evaluations, the time to make a decision and follow through has arrived. Action plans are not always radical changes where you turn your life upside-down. You can do little changes that have big impacts on your life. But they need to be planned out. If you have decided on a big change that requires a shift in what other people expect you to do, it is time to communicate it. Whether that means speaking to your boss to change positions or shifting to working from home. If you decide to go on a more self-regulating approach, then you need to be very aware not to fall back into the old habit of overworking, and start setting boundaries, even for yourself.
No matter the choice you make, you will need to review it later. Adjustments are necessary to keep the world spinning. It is not easy to make a choice; neither is it to put it into action. Making a change requires practice and time. It is a process, so don’t kill yourself if you don’t get the hang of it at first. It might take a while, a few cycles, and lots of adjustments to create a work-life balance that is perfect for you and your reality. So don’t lose hope and be patient. Keep on working on it and you will make it happen.
Finding balance. Creating balance. We all wished those were a one-time thing. Once you feel satisfied with how you are handling work and life, that’s it, you are done. But it is more complex than that. Life is dynamic, and so is work. Everything moves, and everything changes; so, this one is just a cycle you will have to go through every once in a while. Whether to change something or just to check. Balance is just like walking a tightrope, a process to preserve it on every step. So, what are you waiting for to recover your balance?
